Lightning Flashes

It's October. And one of the greatest things about October is Halloween. And I'm not just talking candy and costumes. October is a time for tricks and treats, but also for frights, thrills, bad movies, and scary stories. The theme for the Writers Ramble this month is Scary Stories, specifically flash fiction. Each member of the Writers Ramble has written a spooky piece of flash fiction specifically for this month's post. Unfortunately, I got a little side tracked working on a guest blog post over at The Fictorians, and so I failed to write a complete flash story. Instead, I decided to try my had at micro-fiction, which, if you can believe it, is even shorter than flash fiction. 

Recently I read a collection of two sentence horror stories. Some were fun, some were kind of lame, some were actually pretty chilling despite the fact that they're shorter than the Trick or Treat rhyme your kids say at the door. So, working under a time constraint, here's what I came up with:

When I was a child, hearing my mother’s footsteps on the stairs down to my room always panicked me, because she might catch me in mischief. These days, those same footsteps terrify me…because she’s been dead for ten years. 

Now, it's not a great story. The idea, I think, has been done before. But it was fun to write. The feedback from our writing group was almost universally the same: "This is a great hook for a longer story." And they're right. Once I saw that, my mind started spinning, weaving a story out of these opening lines. I haven't put anything to paper yet, but who knows? Maybe something great will still come of this idea.

Since I failed to complete the actual task of writing a spooky flash fiction story for this month, I decided, along with my micro-horror story, to include a few flash horror stories that I wrote a few years ago. (That way this post is more than a half page long.)

So first up is a story I wrote in 2013 for an online horror flash fiction contest over at the Escape Artists forums.

UMBRA

Janette stifled a yawn and glanced at the clock. 1:05am, far later than she’d intended. She dog-eared the page and closed her book. A quick check of the house, turning off lights as she went, and— 

Janette stopped dead in her tracks. Outside the large front window stood a dark silhouette—a man, watching her. Janette’s breath caught. The figure, tall and broad shouldered, made no move, its features completely shrouded in the darkness.

The baby! Janette’s first thought. She raced to his room, wishing Tom wasn’t away on business. She pulled the baby from the crib ignoring his cries of protest.
The figure stood outside the baby’s window.

Janette ran from the room. He was still outside, but what if he tried to break in? She had to call for help.

She reached the stairs and skidded to a stop. The figure—still cloaked in shadow—stood at the top, silent, unmoving.

Janette screamed and ran. How did he get in? She raced for the cellar. The baby wailed as she clambered down the stairs slapping at the light switch as she went.

Reaching the dank cement room below, Janette slammed the door shut. There was no lock. She had to block it—

The figure hovered in the back corner of the cellar. Janette froze. He slid towards her. Terror overwhelming her, Janette backed away until she pressed against the closed cellar door. The baby choked on its screams.

The figure stopped inches from her face, its features blank; a solid form of black.

Run, it hissed. Get out...

The figure moved back and Janette flung the door open and dashed upstairs. This time she headed for the front door, bursting out into the cold night beyond.

She was met by a circus of emergency vehicles rolling to a stop on the street in front of her. Responders piled out, making for her house. Someone stopped to ask if she was all right. Confused, Janette turned to find the attic of her house consumed in flames.

How hadn’t she noticed the fire? It was the upper floor only that burned. She’d been downstairs the whole time.

The roof collapsed, imploding into the rest of the house. Janette gasped. If she hadn’t been running from the shadowy figure…

“Mrs. Buxton?” A voice said from behind.

Janette turned to find a man in a suit who introduced himself as the Chief of Police.

“It’s about your husband, ma’am,” he said. “I’m sorry to bring this to you, especially at a time like this, but there’s been an accident. I’m afraid he’s been killed.”

The Chief’s voice faded in Janette’s ears as the news washed over her. Tom was dead. And she’d nearly just died herself

She searched and found the shadowy figure standing under a tree not far off. He was still hidden in blackness, but his stance now seemed familiar.

Then he was gone.

Again, not a great story, but it did make it to the semi-finals of the contest. When I sat down to write this story, I thought about what the scariest thing in the world to me is. The answer is a black silhouette watching me through a window. That image in any movie or book has me crawling out of my skin. So that was the starting point for this tale. There are a few plausibility issues, and some severe coincidences to make this story work, but even with those faults, I was pleased with the semi-finalist outcome.

The other story I wanted to share comes from the same contest.

HAPPINESS IS...

Abby Carter slurped the last of her daiquiri through the straw and rested the wavy glass on the table beside her beach chair. The taste of strawberries lingered on her tongue while foamy waves lapped at the sand before her. A seagull’s screech split the air, the only creature in sight.
Abby nestled into the wooden chair and pulled her sunhat low. Her bronze skin soaked up the rays of the sun overhead and she reveled in the warmth.

Her stomach growled. She took another sip of daiquiri. She didn’t know who had refilled it. It didn’t matter.

In this moment, she was happy…

Cory Steel’s knuckles glowed white as he clung to the cliff face. The midday sun baked his bare back, sweat trickling from his shoulders. He glanced up, the apex of the rock mere feet away. Cory dug the tip of his climbing shoe into a chip in the smooth stone and lunged, groping with his free hand. He found purchase and pulled himself atop the sandstone monument.

He reached for a granola bar, but found his fanny pack was empty. Though the view was glorious, the beauty to Cory was the climb itself. He longed to do it again.

A new stone monolith towered over him. He glanced up with a grin and began to climb. He didn’t know how he’d gotten there, but it didn’t matter.

In this moment, he was happy…

Michelle Davis whooped as Jimmy scored the final goal. Whistles sounded and Michelle clambered from the stands to congratulate her son. The throng of other parents parted for her. The community soccer team had no bigger fan than Michelle.

She high-fived the other children as she made her way to Jimmy, who wore a wide, gap-toothed grin. They talked about the game and Jimmy’s numerous goals. Michelle reveled in her son’s victory and the joys it brought. She wanted nothing but to cheer him on in every game possible.

A whistle blew and Michelle wished Jimmy luck before sitting back in the stands, scanning the crowd for the hotdog vendor. She didn’t know how another game could be starting so soon, but it didn’t matter.

In this moment, she was happy…

Zeniph Gunther looked out across his collection of people. A few he knew—Abby Carter, a co-worker; Cory Steel, the pizza boy; Michelle Davis, his neighbor. The rest were strangers, taken from the park, a darkened ally, or public campsites. They looked so peaceful lying on their gurneys, the neural transmitters attached to their shorn scalps with a thousand tiny fingers massaging their slumbering heads.

Zeniph sat back, replacing the receiver cap on his head. Emotions washed over him, a flood of stolen euphoria, and he relaxed.

He knew at some point the authorities would catch him. Maybe not before these people died of starvation, but eventually. The more victims he took, the longer the trail he left. But it didn’t matter.

In this moment, he was happy…

This was a lot more fun to me, because I tried to break out of the typical horror style and do something a little different. In fact, one of the comments the story received during the contest was that they thought someone had gotten mixed up and submitted a non-horror story to the contest. That's what I love about this piece. You have four seemingly unrelated stories that don't tie together until the last few paragraphs. If I did it right, the reveal at the end should have given you chills. 

Unfortunately, I don't think it's quite right, although this story did make the finals in the contest. It didn't win, because there are a few plausibility issues here. But again, that's ok. I have fun writing it, and to me, that's all that matters.

I hope you've enjoyed story time this month. If you have time, head on back over to the Writers Ramble to check out the other flash stories our members have shared this month.

Do You Sabotage Your Writing Time?

So this month's topic for the Writers' Ramble is Finding Time to Write. Which we all know really translates to Making Time to Write. Which is really just making writing a higher priority than many other aspects of your life. So my question is not how do you find time to write, but what do you let keep you from your writing?

I follow Ferrett Steinmetz on Twitter. Ferrett is a fairly new author with a few dozen short stories published and his first novel coming out this fall. In following his escapades online, I've learned that he writes every single day, no matter what. Sometimes he'll send out a Tweet that says something to the effect of: I only wrote for twenty minutes today. But it was something. 

This has been a huge testament to me on the importance of writing daily. In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the 10,000 Hour Rule. This states that you must first put 10,000 hours of work into a single task or talent to become a master or an expert at it. Then there's the saying that your first million words are basically crap. You have to write a million words before you will become an expert at writing.

Either way, there is a lot of writing to do in order to become a publishable writer. So how far are you in these long term goals? Last I checked, I had written somewhere around 400,000 words across my many, many short stories and few unfinished novels. I don't know how many hours that has taken. But needless to say, I still have a long way to go.

So how do I find (make) time to write? Honestly, I don't do it enough. Unlike Ferrett, I don't write every day. Currently I have a job with a lot of down time, which allows me to do my writing while at work on most days. Of course, I only work four days a week, and on my three days off I tend to let life get in the way and don't do any writing. Then there are all the distractions at work that keep me from writing. Besides the actual work I have to do, I let myself get caught up in Twitter, writing forums, games on my Kindle, daily crosswords, and other meaningless junk and suddenly it's time to go home and I haven't done any writing. Sure, some of those things, Twitter/writer forums/writing group submissions, are writing related and make me feel like I am still working on my craft, but that's bogus. The best way to hone my writing is to write. And I don't do it enough.

What keeps me from writing at home? My wife and kids for one, but that's not something I'm willing to sacrifice. Then there's yard and housework, church duties, extended-family functions, and such. Things that I could cut out, but really shouldn't. So then there's the very small amount of free time I have to myself on any given day. And what do I do with that? Video games and/or TV shows. Mind you, this amounts to only a few hours a week, but still, it's something that I could and should be willing to give up if I ever want to reach my goal of being published. 

I know a lot of writers who set daily goals and schedule their writing time at certain hours of the day. Some people get up early to write, some stay up late. Some use their allotted lunch break or kids' nap time to get a few words on the page. This is a great way to do it, and one that I highly recommend, even if I don't follow the advice myself. 

The bottom line is that you will not be successful if you're not willing to put in the time. If you want to be published, if you want to be able to call yourself an Author, you have to put aside the distractions, schedule the time, and put pen to paper (figuratively). 

Don't let your life sabotage your dreams.


For more thoughts and suggestions on this topic, visit the Writers' Ramble. 

Resolve or Resign?

So our Writer’s Ramble this month is supposed to be about our writing goals and resolutions for 2014. Before I can get to that, I have to address a challenge that I’m currently faced with.

See, I’ve been writing pretty consistently since 2006. Almost eight years. I've written dozens of stories. And in all that time, I have exactly one publication to show for it. A publication that only came late this last year, in September 2013. And even then, it was a “paid by exposure” publication, for which I earned no money, and have seen no “exposure” benefits from. No one has contacted me to tell me they liked the story, my blog traffic remained as pitiful as it has ever been. Nothing has come from this, my first publication.

Except: Proof that I can do this. Someone out there enjoyed my writing enough to include it in their magazine. So I have hope, and believe me, I’m eternally grateful to Promptly for giving me my first boost.

Unfortunately, that boost hasn’t been enough. The end of 2013 saw my biggest writing slump to date. In the last three months, the most I’ve written are a few Drabbles (100 word stories) and Twabbles (100 character stories excluding spaces) on the Drabblecast forums. Don’t get me wrong, writing these ridiculously short stories is highly entertaining and extremely challenging, but they’re not really publication material. They’re just for fun. I haven’t written a serious story in months.

I started a new job recently, which I would love to blame for my current slump, “It’s not my fault, this new job is so demanding, I just don’t have the time or energy to write…” But it would be a lie. In reality, this new job gives me ridiculous amounts of free time with nothing to do but sit in front of the computer. ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WRITE. And what do I do? Watch Netflix and play browser RPGs. (Card Hunter is a great one for anyone interested.;))

I try to write, really I do. But every time I start, I very quickly find some excuse to do something else. Why am I having such a hard time? Who knows? Maybe eight years of rejection is getting to me. Maybe the freedom at work is more than my willpower is able to withstand. Maybe there’s something in the air here that just sucks all my creative juices right out through my ears. I don’t know.

But I do know one thing: I’m not going to quit. I’m never going to quit. I love writing. Maybe not as much as I should. Not enough at this point to convince me to choose writing over playing the Xbox when such free time at home allows. But I still love it.

So here are my goals for 2014: Quit being lazy. Quit coming up with excuses. Quit not being paid for my stories. Quit sucking.

More specifically, I have some exact goals I want to accomplish as well. Penumbra Ezine is running a Superhero issue in May. I want my Superhero story, Lullaby (the name will be changed before submission) to be in that magazine. If/when EscapePod runs their next flash fiction contest, I want to win. I want to have both a Drabble and a Twabble accepted and read on episodes of the Drabblecast. And, as always, I want to win the Writers of the Future contest.

Now, I may not accomplish all of these in 2014, but I’m sure gonna try.

On the Escape Artists forums, someone recently started a topic entitled “6-Word Memoirs” challenging everyone to write a summation of 2013 in six words. Mine was this:

“Too much Xbox, not enough writing.”

I followed that up with a 6-word Resolution:

“Write more, game less, be successful.”

And that’s exactly what I intend to do. Even if it takes me all year; all decade; all of my life.  

Passive Voice Was Used to Write This Post

One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in my own writing, something that I struggle with in every manuscript, has been writing in the passive voice. Passive voice is often seen as lazy and amateur writing. So I decided to focus this particular post on passive voice; what it is, how it works, how to avoid it, and when it is appropriate.

To begin with, let’s talk about what passive voice is. According to the Writing Center at the University of North Carolina: “A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a sentence.” If you remember your basic sentence structure lessons from elementary school, you know a sentence is typically composed of a SUBJECT (actor/doer), a VERB (or predicate) and often times an OBJECT. Allow me to illustrate using ninjas, pirates, and zombies.

Izumi’s blade sliced clean through Mitsuko.

In this sentence, Izumi’s blade is the SUBJECT, sliced is the VERB or action, and Mitsuko is the OBJECT. If this sentence was to be written using passive voice, we would take the OBJECT, Mitsuko, and place him in the position of the SUBJECT at the beginning of the sentence, like so:

Mitsuko was sliced clean through by Izumi’s blade.

This sentence says the exact same thing and yet is less direct, less interesting, and longer. Here’s another example:

 

Passive: The Cutter was knocked off course by the blusterous storm.
Active: The blusterous storm knocked the Cutter off course. 

You may think that the ship would be the subject of this sentence, and in its current position in the passive sentence it is. But who/what is the actor/doer? The storm. The storm is performing the action—knocking— against the ship, therefore it is the subject of the sentence and the ship is the object. 

One reason to use Active rather than Passive Voice in your writing is to add strength and credulity to your words. Passive Voice is seen as soft, or weak. It is less direct and thereby less interesting. Consider:

The zombie was blasted in the face by Jackson’s shotgun.
vs.
Jackson blasted the zombie in the face with his shotgun.

Isn’t the active sentence much more direct and action oriented? In the first sentence, the zombie was acted on by Jackson. In the second, Jackson acted upon the zombie. Yes, it means the same thing, but it makes Jackson rather than the zombie the doer/actor and adds immediacy to the action that the first sentence lacks.

The active voice is also the natural voice. We as human beings tend to think, see, and speak in active voice. When we watch something happen, we see the subject acting on the object. Rarely do we view it from the object’s point of view. 

Another reason to avoid using Passive Voice is that it tends to create ambiguity and thereby confusion. 

The mindless brute was knocked suddenly from Susan before it could sink its teeth into her flesh.

See the problem here? Who/what knocked the zombie from the woman? If you were to change this into active voice, you would be forced to add a subject (actor/doer) or end up with an incomplete sentence.

 

Jackson knocked the mindless brute from Susan before it could sink its teeth into her flesh.

No more confusion. We knew who did what. Passive voice is often used this way purposely by politicians to avoid admitting to mistakes or accepting blame.

According to government sources, the virus had been created in a laboratory.

Created by whom? The government? Terrorists? High School kids? The sentence leaves the subject undefined. This is a good example of when passive voice would be used on purpose to create ambiguity and shuck blame. 

In The Elements of Style, William Strunk and EB White state that, “The habitual use of the active voice… makes for forcible writing. This is true not only in narrative concerned principally with action but in writing of any kind. Many a tame sentence of description or exposition can be made lively and emphatic by substituting a transitive in the active voice for some such perfunctory expression as there is or could be heard.”

So how do you spot passive voice in your writing? For the most part, it’s a simple matter of looking for a form of “to be” such as is, was, were, are, am, have been, has been, will be, will have been, etc. followed by a past participle, (a verb typically ending in –ed). The palace has been breached by members of the Black Claw. In this example we have a form of “to be” in “has been” and the past participle “breached”. The active version of this sentence would read: Members of the Black Claw breached the palace.

Now, this doesn’t mean that every sentence with a form of “have” or “be” in it is passive. The crew has to bury the treasure. Since the form of “to be”, which is “has” in this sentence, is not attached to a past-tense verb, it is not a passive sentence.

The best way to tell is to ask questions. Is there action in this sentence? Patient Zero’s cells were invaded and quickly overrun by the virus. Yes, the action is the invasion of the cells. So what’s at the front of the sentence, the subject or the object? Who is doing the invading? The virus. Whose cells are being invaded? Patient Zero’s. So Patient Zero is the object and the virus is the subject. The sentence should read: The virus invaded and quickly overran Patient Zero’s cells.

Another way to spot passive voice is to look for the word “by”. It won’t always be there in a passive sentence, but it is a good indicator that you should take a second look at a sentence. Anytime you say something was done by someone, that someone is obviously the actor/doer, or subject and should be at the beginning of the sentence. 

 

Passive: The ship was taken over by the crew.
Active: The crew took over the ship.

Passive: The Emperor was assassinated by the legendary, Black Panther.
Active: The legendary Black Panther assassinated the Emperor.

So, is passive voice always wrong? No. There are a few instances where using the passive voice is acceptable, even preferable. Scientific writing is one example. By removing the scientist from the report, the reader can focus on what is being taught. Then the human genome was sequenced… Doesn’t matter who did the sequencing, just that it was done. But, even in these circumstances, active voice can help avoid any ambiguity. We then sequenced the human genome…

That being said, we’re here to talk about passive voice in fictional writing. However, before we discuss these options, note that these are rare cases. Even in the examples I give, most of them could potentially be made stronger by restructuring them in active voice. 

To emphasize the object.
Isaac was killed by the zombies last night.
The important part of this sentence is that Isaac, presumably a known character, was killed. By placing him in the SUBJECT slot of the sentence, we show him as being more important than the mass of faceless zombies that ate his brains. However, as I mentioned, this may be effective, but is still seen as a weaker sentence and would probably be made more forceful in active structure; The zombies ate Isaac’s brains last night. 

To de-emphasize the subject.
The captain’s head had been stuck upon a pike and left on deck.
If you don’t know who the actor/subject is, OR if you want to keep this information from the reader, you emphasize the object, in this case the captain’s head, and de-emphasize the unknown subject. Just remember that if it’s important that the reader know who the subject is, use an active form of the sentence to inform them. Old Seadog, the cook, stuck the captain’s head on a pike and left it on the deck.

If it’s irrelevant who the subject is.
The white flag was raised just after dawn on the fourth day.
We don’t know who the subject here is and we don’t need to know. Be it some peasant or the Emperor himself, the important aspect of this sentence is that the fortress surrendered. Once again, though, if it’s important that your readers know who did it, then use an active structure to tell them. The Emperor himself raised the white flag just after dawn…

Always keep in mind that these exceptions are rare. Many people can, and do argue that passive voice should never be used, ever. In reality, the use of passive voice is subjective. It’s your writing. If you think the sentence is better or more effective in passive voice, then use it. BUT, if it’s possible to restructure your sentence in active voice, 99% of the time you probably should. 

So, now it’s time to check your knowledge. I found a few online quizzes based on the passive voice. The first one is a simple yes/no style quiz in which you select whether the provided sentence is active or passive. I scored 18 out of 20 on this one, so I guess I’m learning. The second quiz is a little more difficult as it forces you to reconstruct the sentence yourself. NOTE: Not all of the sentences in his quiz are passive or need revision, so pay attention. I scored 9 out of 10 on this one.

Rather than providing a writing prompt for this post, I want to challenge you to take these quizzes and post your scores in the comments.

http://www.umsl.edu/~phillipsm/oldrills/ch30b.html

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/quizzes/passive_quiz.htm

For additional information on Passive Voice see:
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/resources/handouts-demos/citation/passive-voice
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/passive.htm
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/elements-of-style-william-strunk-jr/1100084919
http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verbs-voice.htm